I know why the Teriyaki Boyz dont look good. And I know how they can fix it. It seems the US assumes that the leader is automatically Nigo. That is incorrect. Nigo is the piggy bank, but he's not much of a people person. I may be wrong but Nigo & Ilmari were friends before this collaboration - he probably fell in love with his good looks the way we did. Why is Ilmari the leader? And not Ryo-Z or m-flo's Verbal. Because Ilmari is smoking hot. Allow me to expand on this and as well fangirl quite a bit in the process. Ilmari can sell these boys alone. Hell it should be called "ILMARI & the yakiniku dudes." (Thankyou Su) On the left is the publicity image of his role as a face of Gap. Look at him pull that shirt slowly down with his thumb - almost teasing (don't worry I'm jealous too). The Gap guys were chosen for their own individual style. Now alongside Hiro of Exile & BoA - he seems quite odd in the mix. I mean why not Hirai Ken? Some sort of serenading pretty boy like that?

It's because Ilmari oozes with style. He is the leader of Teriyaki Boyz and if he could do something gimmicky (eg. sell 50,000 CDs in 5 days) then he would sell it's ass off. Now let's dive right in why this lovely half finnish boy is what haunts girls at night. So here's 20 screenshots to illustrate my point - with a suggestion on what sort of commercial he could sell millions of.

Ilmari was discussed by his family as a very girlish looking kid as a child. Ilmari didn't suffer the possibility of the ugly effects of puberty. He got wise - rugged and got the handsome looks of his dad (there's a photo of the dad young who looks exactly like Ilmari). Stepper's Delight was the first major release for Rip Slyme. The PV is gorgeous and I reckon it was a great idea to allow Halcali do a spinoff on it. (hell I'd even write up a comparison between the two one day.) Rip Slyme PVs tend to have a similiar style in their earlier days. And it's the sense of allowing each character's individuality shine through. Oh yeah - Ilmari. Everyone sports the Rip Slyme jumpsuit - Ilmari fills it out quite nicely. Have I mentioned that Pes is tremendously short in this PV in comparison to his later years? Ilmari attracted the fangirls of MTV with his distinct European looks - and believe me when I say that half of Japan's music buying youth have some sort of voice in the back of their head saying "MTV KNOWS ALL. IF THEY RECOMMEND MUSIC - YOU BUY".

Now Ilmari's voice in the Indies days was vastly different. His husky quality in his voice was there but the voice resembled more of a teen at times. It's almost as if his "new" voice was the comfortable Ilmari, and possibly that he might be a smoker. I wonder if Ilmari borrowed that hat from Ryo-Z - maybe. It's a hideous hat by itself but Ilmari pulls it off. Why? Because he is smoking hot. Stepper's Delight is classic Ilmari - if Ilmari did a commercial like that, he'd be selling table tennis gear. Be a hottie. "Ilmari - playing table tennis with unimportant friends".

Zatsunen Entertainment. Ah. Ilmari actually does a little bit of rollerblading in the PV. There's shots of him looking through the books on the shelf and then he works with a rubics cube. It doesn't really make sense but Ilmari's got a gorgeous smile. I mean it's not a smile you can just capture in one picture. His smile is so natural and epitomises a certain sort of happiness. Yes I am saying he's gorgeous. They've dyed the jumpsuits to blue and play squash around DJ Fumiya. While one takes the centre stage during the verse, they run around and jump up the walls. I like to call this the sports drink ad. Be calm. Be active. A cheesy slogan like that.

One was their big break in a sense. They even got the chance to perform on Music Station Super Live. It's not hard to see why. Though the past two songs were excellent, One was probably a better song to ease the crowd in first. It was a love song - slightly ballad like but full of Rip Slyme energy. Ilmari wears bum gloves, the ones with the fingers cut off. But god it just makes him more rugged. Fingerless gloves make a reprise in their next PV "Funkastic". I love Ilmari's hat in this. Pes leads for having the best hats but this is just a lovely "working" boy hat. And you know what Ilmari would sell in this? A convenience store. Something like. "Hungry for a long trip?" etc.

White is the new blue, or orange. Whatever. Ilmari has this great hat with a feather on the side. It resembles somewhat of a member of the mafia, the kind who plays the love interest in the movies, you know. Maybe he could be hiring people for the mafia. Or he could be selling paint. You know - "It always stays." which could give two meanings for the paint and Rip Slyme. Again the jumpsuits are back in - somewhat of a trademark until later. The PV is probably one of my favourites, I did sort of imagine Funkastic to be a totally rocking song until I heard it again. The guys almost play some sort of game - "Look at us now." Especially Ryo-Z & Pes' creative choice of costume. The decadence of their show is just amusing. Ilmari wears a white ruffled shirt - sort of dandyish but with him it looks awesome. The pute white contrasting against his red hair (that's right. Red). Ilmari makes some interesting hair colour changes, but they always compliment him. Again he shows his smile - ah if smiles could sell singles, he'd be platinum XD

Rakuen Baby was a little gimmicky, them playing instruments and whatnot. But it made a damn fine tune and a really hot Ilmari. He wears a cowboy hat - something that would just look ridiculous. At the end of the PV - it has him swimming in the pool, fanservice? Maybe. He's the image of perfection, the guy who could be the lead singer of some back country easy listening band. But he's the smoking hot guy. He pulls off a tacky holiday shirt well too. Maybe Ilmari got hired for a tourism job. "Come to Hawaii". Or cowboy products. I don't know. Maybe that guitar he's holding.

Baby Hold On! Wait a minute. Blue Be-bop follows the pace of Rakuen Baby, laid back & full of feel good tunes. Rip Slyme shares a treat with everyone this time. They play a group of rich kids, spoilt by sucess. Ilmari looks smoking hot in aviators and totally fits in a coat & scarf. They reach a gorgeous temple - and live the life of a monk. Well the guys get to keep their hair but they endure grueling training. Fumiya looks gorgeous in this. But Ilmari picks up glasses - who would've known he was gorgeous in em too? And so it's a glasses commercial. Or celebrating golden week.

Oh my god. Ilmari working out. His shirt is hideous but he just looks wonderful in it. It's the funny shirt he wears to the gym. But Ilmari eating is a sight to watch. He should do restaurant ads. You know - mcdonalds. That sort of stuff. Imagine Ilmari eating a mcdonalds burger. Listen to his voice say something like "Yaknow, I keep my gorgeous figure through mcdonalds" or something like that. THAT would sell.

Each guy only gets one costume for this PV. And Ilmari owns that trampish look. He looks like a guy who ran from home - with nothing left but his friends. Have I told you how gorgeous his smile is? I think this could be a clothes label brand. Or maybe a movie. After all the PV had a story. Now it should be a story bout Ilmari and how smoking he is.

Galaxy was a great PV. They made little hand puppets, little finger puppets and basically they all wooed this one woman. Ilmari has a hideous shirt. But this was my first Rip Slyme PV - and I was amazed by Ilmari. I loved everyone else - after all the group in all was what made me get into Rip Slyme. But Ilmari was the hottie. And to a girl going through puberty, the hottie is everything. They're selling children's toys maybe. I can imagine Ilmari and his finger puppets - "at your local toy store" etc.

The 20th screencap is Tasogare Surround. Now some people thought it was a halfbaked song. I still found it gorgeous. And Ilmari's hat. His jacket adds such a nice touch. He just oozes with style. Though I do say Pes had the coolest suit. But Ilmari is just plain hot. He looks like he was selling great formal wear. "For your special occassions."

Now let's round up on the things Ilmari can sell: table tennis gear, sports drinks, convenience stores, gangster leadership, paint, tourism/Hawaii, cowboy products, guitars, glasses, national celebrations, mcdonalds, movies, children toys, and formalwear.

I think I've made my point.